


Love is slavery

by itsalexa13



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Attempted Murder, Confrontations, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Love is our most crippling weakness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 12:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11104431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsalexa13/pseuds/itsalexa13
Summary: When Oswald finally succeeds in capturing Ed, he wants to kill him. But not for revenge. Oswald wants Ed to know that he needs to kill him because he's still in love with him, and in order to be the king of Gotham again, he needs to get rid of all his weaknesses. And love is his most crippling weakness.This become a painful confrontation between the two men who realize they're both in love with each other. But it's not going to end well.





	Love is slavery

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is just a bunch of angst with more angst and I hated myself for writing this, but I needed to do that SO BAD!  
> I'm very, very, very sorry LOL
> 
> Please notice English is not my first language, so if you find a few mistakes or if you have any suggestion, please make me know! I need to learn so I'm open to any advice! Thank you very much!

The chase between Oswald and Edward had seemed endless, even if at the end it had lasted only for a few weeks. Regardless, for the both of them their war had felt like eternity, like they couldn't even remember when it had started, and at some point, not even why.  
The constant running, planning, fighting, the never ending effort to outsmart each other, had left the two of them completely exhausted, but at the same time, they knew too well they had never felt more alive. 

They were living for the first time, while trying to kill each other. 

This was their curse. Discover the true meaning of life itself only when they tricked themselves to be close enough to death.  
All the adrenaline constantly shooting through their veins, pain and pleasure mixed so deeply, so intertwined they could not tell the difference anymore, the permanent state of alert and attention, all of this quickly had become morbidly addicting, at the point they found themselves wondering if they could ever live anymore without that. 

Well, anyway, they were about to find out. 

Because the chase was over. 

Nygma was certainly the most intelligent guy in town, probably in the entire nation, but Oswald...Oswald was born and raised to be a criminal mastermind. It was his talent, his only purpose, the reason he was sent on this Earth, his very nature and mission. A talent that no one could match, not even the brilliant Edward Nygma, who was at the end of the day just a very enthusiastic amateur, but nothing more. Especially compared to Oswald, the little, crippled umbrella boy who had conquered Gotham with his bare hands all by himself, twice.  
And he was about to do that again, but...there was just one thing standing in his way.

Ed. 

He needed to get rid of him, and he needed to do that by himself and himself alone.  
This was the reason why he was standing in an abandoned warehouse just outside the docks of Gotham arbor, in the cold dark night of their chilly spring, surrounded by the creepy sounds of the small drops of rain falling from the ceiling and the strong smell of humidity that tingled his nose so bad it was nauseating, waiting for Ed to wake up. 

Capturing him hadn't been easy, but Oswald knew he could manage.  
Oswald had always managed, it was his superpower.

More a cockroach than a penguin.

He smiled at himself thinking back about that sentence.  
Ed was going to regret that.  
He was going to regret it so...hard. 

Oswald took a step closer to look at Ed, who was secured to a chair with his hands tied around his back and his feet handcuffed. He was not going to take any chances, any risk, he needed to be sure he couldn't escape in any way.  
Nygma would have left that place in a body bag, or not at all. 

He took another step towards him. Now he was directly in front of him, watching attentively the way his face looked completely emotionless and relaxed due to the drug that knocked him out, and after a bunch of seconds he felt a burning wave of hate and pure rage towards himself when he realized he was thinking the man was absolutely beautiful.  
Ed Nygma had betrayed him, had destroyed him and everything he worked so hard to achieve, he had disrespected him, his family, his feelings, he had crushed his life, broke his heart, and then shot him and dumped in the river like garbage, but in that moment Oswald still felt like Edward was the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. 

How pathetic was that?

Anger pumped so hard in his blood he almost stabbed him while he was still unconscious, but he stopped himself just in time, clinging so tightly to the dagger he was holding his knuckles went white. 

Yes, a dagger. He had thought carefully about the weapon of choice, and a gun felt too impersonal, poison too coward, a hummer to brutal. A dagger was intimate, passionate and cruel. Exactly how he wanted to be to Ed. 

But he couldn't kill him while he was still asleep. He couldn't kill him without Ed knowing he won. He couldn't kill him without Ed knowing why.  
He was still looking at the dagger in his hands when he heard an aching moan softly escape Edward's lips, and he immediately straightened his back, like a cat on the verge of an attack. He got closer to his face, studying the expression of the man who was painfully waking up, when a pleased and insane smile appeared on his face, shining like the brightest and only star in a dark, haunted sky. 

That was it.  
The moment he had craved for so long. The opportunity to finally kill Edward and be once again the king of Gotham. A lonely king, but still a king. 

"Wake up sleepyhead" 

Oswald was thrilled with excitement and anticipation, feeling like a child on Christmas Eve, and when finally, finally Ed opened his eyes to meet Oswald's, the former mayor couldn't help himself but laughing out loud. 

"Did you sleep well?"

It took Ed a few minutes to come to himself, while he stared blankly at Oswald face without really seeing it. No, for a few seconds it seemed like he was able to look right through him and stare at the wall, until he started to blink fast and faster and moan a little louder, making Oswald laugh even harder, especially when the man tried to touch and squeeze his head, but realized very soon he couldn't do that because his hands were tied up real nice and tight. 

And here it was, the thing that really made him wake up, a rush of fear and danger that kicked his survival skills, and suddenly he was staring into Oswald's shining blue eyes with a vibrant mix of panic and...satisfaction?  
It looked like it, and Oswald had always been capable of reading Edward like an open book. Until he was blinded by love, of course. 

"Oswald..."

Nygma's voice was tired, raspy and just a warm whisper in the thick cold air of Gotham arbor. 

"Hello old friend."

Oswald was genuinely giggling, childish and excited, the taste of victory sweet and delicious on his tongue, in his voice, in his blood. He could savor the satisfaction while looking at Ed, so weak, beaten, broken, hopeless; a spark of failure and shame in his heavy eyes.  
But after a couple of moments, in a very unexpected way, the man smiled. And it wasn't the smile Oswald was used to at this point, the cruel grin Ed reserved Oswald since they had met again after the dock accident. 

There was no mockery, no sarcasm, no frustration, no anger. His smile was genuine and disturbingly clear.  
The smile Oswald had fallen in love with since the very first time he had seen it.  
And he hated it. 

"So here we are...look how the tables have turned."

Ed's voice was still guttural and clearly in pain, but it was getting a little bit louder, and Oswald found it really annoying. He liked hearing him so weak and forceless. 

He rolled his eyes irritated before speaking in his usual dramatic tone.

"Oh please Ed...did you really, really think you could have won? Against me?" 

His voice was scornful and beyond annoyed. He couldn't believe how full of himself Ed had become. What had happened to the humble man who stood always a step behind him, looking at him with glowing eyes and always reminding him how much more he needed to learn from him?

"Being a villain, a true villain, he's way more than finding yourself a ridiculous name and put on an even more ridiculous dress, and kill two or three people...you are nothing more than a silly amateur."

His words were dripping with disdain like a carcass drips blood.

"I've spent all my life being a villain, Ed. And I did that all by myself. You were just a lab rat until you got insane and met ME. And now you're just a cheap, pathetic imitation. Everything you learned, I taught you. Everything you are, I made you. Trying to kill me just killed you, and now you're a scared child who has troubles finding himself back again. But again, a stupid name is not enough, Edward Nygma. And being so over the top? That's pathetic."

Oswald could see that Ed was raging inside, he could see his blood boiling in his veins and his frustration raising, because he knew, he knew Oswald was damn right.

"You're pathetic. You were just keeping me down, because you were scared of what I could have become. Better than you. That's what I am."

"You're tied up and I'm about to gut you, that's how you're proving me you're better than me?" 

Oswald snapped, banging is foot on the ground, the sound echoing around the building in a very sinister way, making the both of them shiver. He took another step forward, towering over the man while pointing the dagger directly to his throat.

"And don't you dare, don't you dare EVER AGAIN say that I was the one keeping you down, you ungrateful bastard. I was the only one in this world who saw right through you, who saw the real you, who cherished all your evil, your insanity, your potential, who wanted you to be as powerful as you could, who saw everything that was wrong and crazy about you and LOVED YOU BECAUSE OF THAT!" 

Oswald was screaming without even realizing it, his face suddenly red with rage and hate, while he was looking directly into Ed's eyes as if he was about to eat him alive, the blade starting to scrape the tender skin of his neck. 

Nygma was perfectly still, staring at Oswald without even noticing that he was about to get his throat ripped open. He was too focused on his words, guilt immediately showing on his face. He couldn't hide it. Not from Oz.

Oswald rested in silence for a few seconds, trying to catch his breath after all the yelling, and when he succeeded in collecting again a bit of composure, he lowered the dagger, because the look he was giving Ed in that very moment was sharp enough to kill him. 

"And you dumped me in the river like trash."

Oswald said those words to finish Ed, to make him sink in his guilt and drown, to make him lower his head in silence and accept his death. But he got nothing of the sort in return; on the contrary, those very last words seemed to trigger Ed, who pushed himself as much as he could towards Oswald, fire sparkling in his eyes.

"Stop playing the victim, it doesn't suit you, and once again you are showing me how self centered and incapable of caring you are! Have you ever thought about why I dumped you in the river?!" Ed yelled as loud as he could, his voice trembling and his throat hurting like hell, but in that moment he couldn't stop himself or care any less. 

"Because I killed your precious Isabel-"

"Because you betrayed me! YOU! The only person I ever trusted, the only person I risked my life for without even a doubt, because I was so sure you would have saved me! I did everything for you, I was ready to do the impossible for you, to stay in your shadow just to help you succeed, AND YOU BETRAYED ME!"

Oswald was petrified on the spot, still like a rock while Ed was screaming with all the strength he could gather, and ending up coughing so violently Oswald thought for a second he was suffocating. But he couldn't move, he couldn't even blink, or breath. He was too overwhelmed to function, because for the first time he felt sorry for what he had done to the man he loved. Even when he had realized he was ready to die to save Ed, even when he had realized it was true love, he never felt sorry for what he did to Isabella. Because Isabella deserved it.

But Ed didn't. 

When the other man was able to breath and speak again, Oswald was still petrified, looking at him blankly, too many thoughts fighting in his head to allow him to say anything. 

So it was Edward who spoke. 

"But I suppose, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? We started a war over revenge, and you're here to have yours. So go ahead. Come here and get your revenge." 

This was all that it took to shake Oswald from head to toe, suddenly he was not paralyzed anymore, he was trembling with every living fiber of his body, clenching his fists and grinding his teeth violently, the urgency to punch Ed almost too much to be contained. But instead of punching him, Oswald quickly turned around and hit the wall with both hands, frustration consuming him.

"God Ed, for being the smartest person in Gotham, you can be so fucking STUPID AND CLUELESS SOMETIMES!!" 

He spun on his feet to face the man again, and grabbed the collar of his shirt so harshly he lifted him from the chair even if he was tied up. 

"I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR REVENGE! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THIS STUPID REVENGE OR THIS STUPID WAR!"

Oswald was yelling so aggressively that in a bunch of seconds the face of Ed was covered in his spit, but it was like he didn't even noticed or registered the fact that Oz was completely out of his mind, too focused on trying to understand what his ex best friend was saying, in vain. Ed looked completely lost, staring into Oswald's eye with childish confusion, so incredibly dismayed that Oswald immediately calmed down, letting go of his shirt. 

"Then why do you want to kill me?"

Ed's voice was so feeble Oswald almost didn't hear the question. But at the same time, he heard it loud and clear because it was the only question he was waiting for. The only question that mattered, the only reason he was there.  
He stared at the man for a very long time, trying to catch the faintest sign of mockery or insolence, because that was what he was expecting. But all he could see in the man's dark eyes was genuine anticipation and desperate need to know. 

"Because I want to be the king of Gotham once again."

Oswald spoke with clear, cold voice, like he was trying to distance himself from all his feelings, to take a step back from the man who had broken him in all the ways a man can be broken, who was now looking at him with something that was cruelly similar to hope. A hope that could have had destroyed him. 

"And in order to do that, I need to get rid of all my weaknesses."

Oswald's face showed a smile that was so bitter it actually stung his tongue, and cracked his heart. What he couldn't know, was that it did exactly the same to Ed.

"And you were right, my friend. For people like you and I, love will always be our most crippling weakness."

The silence that followed that very sentence was so drenched in pain it actually made the both of them gasp for air, like they were suffocating under its weight.

Because that silence was filled with the heaviest truth.

Oswald was still madly, insanely, hopelessly in love with Edward Nygma. 

And he couldn't get rid of that burning feeling, not even after all the pain, the cruelty, the betrayal Ed had reserved him. He just couldn't.  
It had brought up hate, but it hadn't been able to drown love. 

Because love was slavery. 

Impending, unfair, masochist slavery. 

And no matter how hard Ed could hit him, he wasn't able to just walk away and forget about him, he wasn't able to just let go. A punch from the man and he would had just asked him to be hit harder.

Until Ed was still alive, he was going back to him, no matter what, no matter why, with no hesitation, with no regret.  
Because love was chains. But he needed to be free.

"Do...do you still love me?"

Oswald couldn't find the strength to look at Edward when he spoke, a question that was nothing more than a fleeting whisper, but so filled with disbelief and emotion it made Oswald's ears hurt as if they were bleeding.  
The former mayor stared at the dagger in his hands as it was the only thing that mattered in the moment, and it was. That dagger was the only way out of his pain, of his weakness, of his pathetic slavery, of his love. 

"Believe me, I tried everything in my power to stop loving you. I spent days and nights thinking about all the atrocious things you had done to me, forced myself to remember how ruthless and cruel you had been to me, to say out loud every excruciating thing you had made me suffer, so I could convince myself there was nothing to love about you."

Oswald spoke like he was talking to himself, his voice firm and distant, used as a shield to hide the humiliation of his weakness. But he was just moments away from finally being free of all of that, and he owed himself the chance of being exactly who he was, transparent and shamelessly, so after a small, heavy silence, he didn't hold back anymore. There was no reason to do that. 

Ed needed to know exactly what he was dying for. 

"But the truth is, even after all of this, all I could think about was that you were the only man who made me feel like an hero, after a lifetime of being a villain."

In that moment Oswald finally raised his eyes to look at Ed, staring resolutely into his eyes to face the humiliation of his confession, to meet the mocking gratification in Ed's gaze; he was excepting a grotesque laugh, or any other trace of spiteful pleasure from the man who had just heard the pathetic confession of his fragility, of his slavery. Oswald had admitted he was irremediably cursed, attached forever to a man who could have tortured him for the rest of his life and still be the best thing it ever happened to him, and he was waiting for Ed to bask in satisfaction and triumph because even if he was the one with the dagger in his hand, Ed was clearly the one who was still winning. 

But in the bottomless darkness of his eyes there was not even a shadow of that. The only thing Oswald could recognize, buried deep in the windows of Ed's soul, was pure, genuine, excruciating sadness, and this caught him off guard. 

"And I still see that man, I can't help it. I tried anything in my power, but you're still that man to me. And I hate it. I hate you, who made me feel so loved I can't physically shake away this feeling even when you gave me every reason to despise you; and more than everything I hate myself more than I could ever hate you. Because you enslaved me Ed. Just after you warned me about the danger of love, you've chained me, and now I have no choice. I have to be free in order to be powerful, I have to be untouchable to rule Gotham again. I can't be either if you're still alive."

Oswald was clearly trying to convince himself more than he was trying to explain Ed why he was about to stab him to death. He knew it was his only way out, he knew he couldn't trust Ed anymore, he knew his dream of ruling together over Gotham and share all the greatness and all their lives had shattered a long time ago. 

He needed to do it.  
Ed was still looking at him, completely lost in the intent of processing all of that, and for the first time Oswald spotted something different in his eyes.  
Something dangerously similar to regret. 

"For what is worth...you were my hero, Oswald." 

Ed's words were so painfully sincere they hit Oswald way worse than any gunshot in the stomach. He would have taken a dozen gunshots and a dozen more with pleasure instead of hearing those words ever again, which made him crumble like he was made of dust and snap furiously at the same time, anger shaking his trembling body so violently he almost couldn't stand up. 

"Don't! Don't you dare! Don't lie to my face just to manipulate me into letting you go, don't lie to find a way to walk out of here, you aren't! Stop stabbing me, stop making me feel like an idiot, stop betraying me, STOP HURTING ME!"

Oswald screamed at the top of his lungs, the light far gone from his dead blue eyes; they were terrifying in its blankness, looking like the further thing from life. His rage was monstrous, he wanted to abandon himself to all the frustration and pain and beat the shit out of Nygma with his bare hands, just to let all his feelings go, so they would have stopped making him rot from the inside.

Love was making him rot. 

Love was decomposing him. 

"At least now, at least at the very end, have the dignity to stop lying to me and pretend you care about me, you never did!"

"I'm not lying!" 

Ed snapped back forcefully, matching the same agonizing anger, jumping on the chair as much as he could.

"I'm not lying and you know it! You saw it, you felt it, you witnessed it! I gave you my life, unreservedly! I adored you, I worshipped you, you were my hero! You hurt me and betrayed me as much as I did to you, and way before I did. So don't think, don't even think for a second I never cared about you, because you were everything to me!"

When the shouting stopped the two men were looking at each other breathlessly, trying to get a grip of all that mess of their feelings and not be completely overwhelmed by them, but they couldn't. Oswald took a step forward, looking like he was in trance, moving as if he didn't even realize he was attracted to the man, and when he was just a few inches away, a cold, bitter smile caressed his lips. 

"I thought Isabella was you're everything."

His whisper was so sour the sentence actually felt like a shiver through the thick air between them. 

"I thought so too."

Ed's voice was filled with overwhelming realization and a hint of guilt, so intense it brought up pure panic in his eyes, but Oswald was not going to believe him, he was not going to believe any of it. Those words were just the last drop for Oswald to unleash everything he had bottomed up inside his tired, broken soul. 

With a sharp movement he pointed the knife to his throat again, making Ed gasp a little, but he didn't move, he didn't try to back up not even a little, not even involuntarily, he was actually leaning completely to Oswald and to the blade, presenting himself with no hesitation. 

"No! No! NO! Stop that! You don't love me, you never did and you don't now! You're not making it out here alive, you can cry and beg and swear you love me, I know it's not true, I know you're just trying to outsmart me, but you can't! So at least now have the dignity to die staying true to yourself!"  
"That's what I'm trying to do!"

Ed was not holding back anymore, he was as out of control as Oswald, pushing himself against the dagger and looking so intensely into his eyes he could have breached his bare soul. He was not holding back anymore, he couldn't anymore; he was desperately exhausted after a life time spent crushing everything he was in the deepest, darkest part of himself, and even when he started to push everything up, there were still so many things he didn't understand, so many things he couldn't grasp, couldn't make them have any sense, so he had hidden and refused them, but by doing that he had lost himself in that putrid mess he had become. 

No more.

No more. 

No more overthinking, no more trying to explain every single thing, no more need for everything to make sense, because nothing was making sense and it was all right. 

Ed was dying, and as Oswald said, he was doing that staying true to himself. All of it. 

"Don't you see? I don't want to walk away! You need to kill me, Oswald, you need to do it! I don't want to be your weakness and I don't want you to be mine, so plant this knife into my heart and be free! Free yourself and free me! Do it, do it, do it or I swear I'll do it myself!"

Ed was screaming so desperately Oswald thought for a moment he was about to cry in frustration, every small fiber of control leaving his body to never come back, so far gone in the spiral of his desperation there was no turning back. 

He seemed so eager to die that for a second, just a brief, fleeting second, Oswald believed Ed loved him back. 

"Why do you want to die?" asked Oswald quietly, because he just couldn't understand Ed in that moment, the very first time since they had met.  
"I don't want to die. I want you to kill me."

Oswald grabbed him brutally by the collar of his shirt again, lowering the blade so it was resting directly upon Ed's heart, the point already scraping the fabric of his jacket. He got so close to his face all he could feel was Ed's breath against the soft skin of his lips, their noses almost brushing, the eyes having no intention of losing themselves. 

"And why do you want me to kill you?"

He blew those words between his teeth and directly to his parted lips, his body shaking with rage and pain, and worst of all...hope. 

The moment between Oswald's question and Ed's answer felt like unbearable eternity, the silence so piercing it made them feel like there were a thousand of glass splinters in their lungs. And when Ed finally spoke, it was much, much worse.

"Because I love you too."

Ed gave up. He just couldn't hold it anymore, and he didn't need to do that. 

In that moment, just a few seconds away from being killed by Oswald, he could allow himself to show his true, crippling weakness. The same he had warned Oswald so much time ago, the same they tried together to fight and repel; they had helped each other to be free and unstoppable, but by doing that, they trapped themselves without even realizing it. They had built a spider web around them, invisible and unbreakable, and Ed hadn't been ready to see that. 

Until now. 

He hadn't wanted to see how clueless, how stupid and how inconsiderate he had been, falling in love with Oswald so genuinely he wasn't even able to acknowledge it. 

Until now. 

They had been idiots. Two idiots who had made themselves their greatest weakness in the attempt of being each other strength. And he had forced himself not to see that.

Until now. 

While Ed was staring at him with such pure and sincere relief dripping from his trembling eyes, looking the most serene Oswald had ever seen him, the former mayor was frantically trying to breath, but he soon realized he couldn't. He couldn't breath, he couldn't move, he couldn't blink, he couldn't speak, he couldn't live. 

He had dreamed and fantasized about those words every waking moment since he knew he was in love with Ed. He had imagined every scenario, every possibility, every turn out, he had seen in his mind the sweetest most romantic kiss and the most vicious, cruel rejection; he had pictured Ed saying those words a million times in a million spaces, and just right when he had accepted he didn't want to ever hear those words, here they were.  
Cutting him up from the inside like he was on a sacrificial altar.

He didn't want to hear these words, he didn't want to hear them in that moment, or ever. He wanted to punch them back into Ed's mouth and erase them from his memory, and he wanted to kill him even more. He wanted to gut him open just like he had done to him when he had said those words, to see him bleed out in his arms and admire in all its beauty the life leaving his eyes. 

He lowered the dagger to his stomach, his hand shaking with monstrous fury, ready to cut him open and worship the moment of his death.  
And then, with every trembling limb of his body, Oswald kissed him. 

He kissed him with every grain of strength and passion he could gather, he kissed him fiercely, violently, brutally, he kissed to hurt him, to taste his blood on his tongue and feel his pain, he bit his lips and bruised his neck by holding him in place and making him completely at his mercy, making him his slave just as much as he made his. He wanted him defenseless, powerless, he wanted to feel he was ready to take everything Oswald wanted to give him, no matter how cruel, how painful, he needed Ed to want it. 

And Ed did. 

He embraced the kiss with open mouth, with not a single ounce of resistance, giving himself to Oswald unreservedly, giving him all he was, all he got, every small crumble of his being, all the darkest, most hidden parts of his soul; he gave to Oswald everything he never allowed himself to be. 

In that moment, Ed was his. Desperately, totally, unconditionally. 

And in that moment, Oswald pushed the dagger.


End file.
